I’ve only ever had crushes on girls, but I fantasize about guys. Is that normal?
Yup! It’s totally normal to fantasize about people of all genders, no matter what your sexual orientation is. Sometimes, fantasies are just fantasies. They may feel good to think about, but not be something you want to happen in reality. That’s very normal.
Other times, fantasies can clue you in to other things going on. Sexuality is a big, complicated, exciting, messy thing! It’s possible that you could be bisexual or pansexual, which means that you’re attracted to people of all genders. Maybe you just haven’t met a guy you really like, but could have a crush on one in the future. Like gender, sexual orientation (meaning what genders you’re attracted to) is not a binary, but a spectrum. Being bi or pan doesn’t necessarily mean that you like all genders equally. It could be that you like girls 80% of the time, but like guys 20% of the time. Maybe you’re “mostly straight” but sometimes like people of the same gender (or vice versa). Maybe at certain points in your life you’ll be attracted to guys, but not at other times. Often, this spectrum is referred to as the Kinsey Scale.
It’s also possible that you’re not romantically attracted to guys, but you are sexually attracted to them. Sexual attraction means that you want or are interested in having sex or being sexual with someone. Romantic attraction implies that you want to be more emotionally intimate. Often, it’s hard to tell the difference between the two feelings. Some people are sexually attracted to people or genders that they’re not romantically attracted to. That’s normal and completely ok!
Like we said, sexuality can be complicated. You don’t need to figure out what fantasizing about guys “means” right now. Just know that there’s nothing weird about your fantasies, and that it doesn’t necessarily say anything about who you want to date or be in a relationship with (or even who you want to have sex with). You don’t have to act on what you fantasize about, unless you want to! You’ll learn more about yourself and your sexuality over time. Enjoy getting to know yourself, and don’t feel like you have to rush the process.
If you have any more questions about sexuality or sexual health, you can make a free, confidential, judgement-free appointment at the Mount Sinai Adolescent Health Center to talk about what you’re going through.
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This column is not intended to provide medical advice, professional diagnosis, opinion, treatment or services to you or to any other individual, only general information for education purposes only.
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